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Even 'basic' girls are tired of their cheating VW Jettas

Well, this didn't take long. Former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn's office probably hasn't even been packed yet, and the jokes about his scandal-ridden former employer have already begun to fly. Today, we'll be featuring the team from Funny Or Die, which has opted to not only skewer Volkswagen for its TDIsaster, but one of the victims of the company's catastrophe – the 'basic' girl. For those not in the know, "basic," according to Urban Dictionary is an adjective reserved for someone "devoid of defining characteristics that might make a person interesting, extraordinary, or just simply worth devoting time or attention to," and that they are "lacking intelligence and unable to socialize on even an elementary level." And when it comes to basic girls, the Volkswagen Jetta is as ubiquitous as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But with the VW controversy, basic girls are finding their Jettas aren't so good for their green credentials. So check out Funny Or Die's take on these scorned drivers, in the video above. And fair warning, there's a bit of foul language.

New Volkswagen Beetle is on the way

Recent reports have suggested that the future of the Volkswagen Beetle could be in jeopardy, but those rumors have now been squashed. Dr. Heinz-Jakob Neusser, member of the board of management responsible for development at Volkswagen, confirmed to Autoblog that not only will the Beetle live on, a new generation will arrive in "the next up to three years." The next Beetle will move to Volkswagen's scalable MQB architecture. These bones currently underpin the Golf in the US, as well as a range of products available in Europe and other markets. That's not really surprising, given the MQB architecture's flexibility. But what's interesting is that, according to Neusser, using the MQB platform opens the door for electrification possibilities in the Beetle. That could mean a hybrid drivetrain, or even a fully electric example like the e-Golf hatchback. The Beetle "will remain an emotional design," Neusser told Autoblog. That said, it will be "developed in a new design language," in keeping with Volkswagen's plans to offer "much more dynamic, much more emotional" designs on its future cars. "We would like to support more emotional potential [for the Beetle]," Neusser said. This can certainly be seen here at the New York Auto Show, where Volkswagen is rolling out four showcars that demonstrate the potential for unique versions of the Bug. Even beyond that, Volkswagen has already confirmed that the Beetle Dune concept will see production, and Neusser hinted that while the New York showcars are still being evaluated, the Denim convertible will likely come to market. So the future is anything but grim for the Beetle. And in fact, there's a whole lot of potential for Volkswagen's iconic two-door. Related Video:

The not-Subaru crossover wagon | 2017 Volkswagen Alltrack First Drive

Funnily enough, in light of dieselgate, Volkswagen is one of the few brands (along with Volvo and Subaru) to preserve the notion that you don't need a fuel-sucking SUV to meet your life-carrying needs. And, yes, VW's history of addressing off-road desires with all-wheel-drive dates to the mid-1980s with the Quantum Syncro (a.k.a. Passat) and Golf Country – the latter, sadly, never came stateside. The latest offering toward this effort is the 2017 Volkswagen Alltrack. What's an Alltrack? It's a slightly lifted, cladded, and butched-out version of the Golf Sportwagen (yes, formerly known as a Jetta). Not to steal Alltrack's thunder, but starting in 2017 you can also get the standard Sportwagen with 4Motion AWD, which is basically the same running gear for less money. The Alltrack starts at $26,950; the 4Motion Sportwagen starts at $24,930, both with the dual-clutch automatic available at launch. Any discussion of tall wagons brings Subaru immediately to mind, both with the Outback and the Impreza-based Crosstrek. The Volkswagen Alltrack sits between the two in size at 180.2 inches long – 5 more than the Crosstrek and 9.4 inches shorter than the Outback. The 2017 Subaru Outback starts at $25,645, and VW's comparisons focus on the Outback, which is understandable given the similar starting price. A bare-bones Crosstrek starts at $22,245, but quickly gets into Golf price overlap. The Alltrack and the 4Motion Golf Sportwagen are superior daily drivers to the Subaru, whether you're doing an emergency lane change or just trying to merge onto the interstate. Meanwhile, the Crosstrek doesn't have the refinement of the VW. Can we fault Subaru though? It's set a sales record every year in a row since 2010 and is looking at about triple the sales volume of VW's Golf for 2016. So we'll stick to telling you what we think of the Alltrack and let the dealers fight for your dollars. First thing's first. Yes, you can have the Golf Sportwagen and even the Alltrack with a manual six-speed gearbox. The seven-speed DSG automatic is very good, but it's worth noting that any manual gearbox is a rarity these days, especially when we're not talking about a two-seat sports car. You will have to wait until early 2017 for that option, but it also saves you $1,100 off both models. Second, the Alltrack and 4Motion Sportwagens get identical engines. Whether manual or DSG, VW's EA888 turbocharged 1.8-liter four-cylinder is under the hood.