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VIDEO: Saturn's demise? We blame Jim Gaffigan*

Click above to view the video after the jump
When the deal to sell Saturn to Penske Automotive fell through, there were likely a lot of surprised people at General Motors' Detroit, MI headquarters. Penske released a statement saying that the reason the deal fell through after months of good faith negotiations was that a suitable post-GM supply of vehicles could not be found. However, after reacquainting ourselves with over eight minutes of outtakes from Jim Gaffigan's old Saturn commercial, we're thinking the comedic pitchman is to blame.

303 Deaths Tied To Airbag Non-Deployment In 2 General Motors' Cars

At least 303 motorists died in car accidents after their airbags didn't deploy in now-recalled General Motors vehicles, according to a study released late last night. The Center for Auto Safety, a non-profit automotive watchdog, reviewed data from the Fatality Analysis Reporting System, and counted deaths involving the Chevrolet Cobalt and Saturn Ion, two vehicles at the heart of several ongoing investigations, to reach its conclusion. If the airbag non-deployments were the result of a faulty ignition switch that inadvertently turns them off, the death toll would be the largest in automotive history attributed to a single defect, surpassing the 250 deaths investigators linked to defective Firestone Tires more than a decade ago. The rising death toll would further amplify questions about why GM and federal safety regulators at the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration didn't act sooner to correct the problem. Safety advocates have said both GM and NHTSA failed to act in a timely fashion to alert motorists of the dangers posed by the dangerous defect, of which documents GM had knowledge of as early as 2001 and NHTSA knew about in 2007. "The question today for NHTSA is how so many ... death reports without an airbag deployment and so many FARS deaths without an airbag deployment failed to trigger an investigation," wrote Clarence Ditlow, the executive director of the Center for Auto Safety. "... For the people who died or were seriously injured in crashes, the answer comes too late." GM has acknowledged 13 deaths related to the problem, and says the number cited by the Center for Auto Safety study is "speculation." The review of FARS data, conducted by Friedman Research at the request of the Center for Auto Safety, looked at fatal cases in which airbags did not deploy but did not analyze the causes of the crashes. FARS information is raw data submitted to a national database by state and local authorities when fatal accidents occur. Last month, GM recalled 1.37 million cars in the U.S. because a faulty ignition switch had been inadvertently moving from the "run" position to the "accessory" position, turning off engines and systems that provide power to airbags. "Shame is not a strong enough word," said Lou Lombardo, the founder of Care for Crash Victims, another safety-minded nonprofit that advocates for accident victims. The results of the CAS study were first reported by the New York Times.

Clever video selling Saturn Ion "sex machine" will catch your eye

"When I think of the most impressive, industry changing, earth shattering vehicles of recent history, the first car that comes to my mind is the 2004 Saturn Ion Coupe." So says Brad Holt of Dallas, Texas. And he's right, clearly. One look at the specific specimen Holt is selling will be enough to convince you that the car "will absolutely tickle every one of your fancies," as claimed by the seller himself.
We suggest you watch the video below to see just how perfectly Holt's sex machine will fit into your life. The end result will no doubt be exactly as Holt ends his video: "You need it. Like a lot." You can also read more info from Brad in an interview here. If only our offices were a little closer to Dallas...