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VIDEO: Saturn's demise? We blame Jim Gaffigan*

Click above to view the video after the jump
When the deal to sell Saturn to Penske Automotive fell through, there were likely a lot of surprised people at General Motors' Detroit, MI headquarters. Penske released a statement saying that the reason the deal fell through after months of good faith negotiations was that a suitable post-GM supply of vehicles could not be found. However, after reacquainting ourselves with over eight minutes of outtakes from Jim Gaffigan's old Saturn commercial, we're thinking the comedic pitchman is to blame.

GM ignition switch trial cleared to begin on January 11

US District Judge Jesse Furman didn't accept General Motor's attempt to dismiss a civil trial over the automaker's faulty ignition switches, and set a January 11 start date for the case to begin, according to Reuters. The judge found that plaintiff Robert Scheuer had the evidence to proceed with the case. Scheuer was injured in an accident in his 2003 Saturn Ion in 2014 when another vehicle forced him off the road, and he crashed into some trees. The airbag didn't deploy, and Scheuer alleged this was the result of the faulty ignition switch. According to Reuters, Scheuer's trial is one of six bellwether cases over GM's ignition switch problem in the coming year. Juries' decisions in these lawsuits should provide an example of how similar trials could end, and these results would help The General decide whether to settle other pending cases or to keep fighting them. The ignition switch fiasco has already cost GM billions. For example, the company's compensation program offered $594.5 million in 399 cases of people killed or injured by the defective parts. Anyone that accepted this money agreed not to sue GM for the problem later. The company also came to a $900 million criminal settlement with the US government and paid $575 million in civil resolutions in September.

Clever video selling Saturn Ion "sex machine" will catch your eye

"When I think of the most impressive, industry changing, earth shattering vehicles of recent history, the first car that comes to my mind is the 2004 Saturn Ion Coupe." So says Brad Holt of Dallas, Texas. And he's right, clearly. One look at the specific specimen Holt is selling will be enough to convince you that the car "will absolutely tickle every one of your fancies," as claimed by the seller himself.
We suggest you watch the video below to see just how perfectly Holt's sex machine will fit into your life. The end result will no doubt be exactly as Holt ends his video: "You need it. Like a lot." You can also read more info from Brad in an interview here. If only our offices were a little closer to Dallas...