Monstrous 1969 Pontiac Firebird / 522 Hp 383 Stroker Engine Restomod on 2040-cars

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “fuel-saving car” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter car. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this 1969 Pontiac Firebird.

There are MANY reasons to love classic muscle cars. Most people drive them because they look good and sound cool. A lot of folks enjoy them because of the memories they've made in them. And some savvy collectors buy them based on numbers alone.  Some just want to get some fresh a** poontang. Well, every once in a while a car like this awesome 1969 Pontiac Firebird comes along and presents the rare opportunity to bundle all of those attractive traits into one exceptionally cool package. It's a 1969 Pontiac-freaking-Firebird, so it automatically looks good and sounds massively awesome.  Since it is some of the most storied American muscle ever built, I'm willing to bet everyone has at least one great memory of this car. 

However, this is no ordinary Firebird.  It's a gorilla of a custom car, with the following upgrades performed on it:

-Custom 522 HP 383 Stroker Engine 

-575 lb ft of brute power torque 

-Upgraded 10 bolt positraction rear end with 390 gears 

-Hurst shifter 4 speed muncie 

-4 custom drilled power disc brakes 

-Dakota coded digital dash 

-Recaro Sport Seats 20” Boss wheels & Hancook Ventus tires 

-Electric fan w/ auto thermostat 

-Custom traction bars 

-MSD Ignition w/ Redline rev-limiter 3” 

-Flowmasters with full Headers 

-Double center force clutch 

-LoJack system

-Brilliant Metallic Silver paint

-Brand new interior leather

So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

This baby’s pulse is pumping sh*tloads liters of uncensored raw fuel through her eight nuclear power plant.  The monstrous engine sounds is guaranteed to practically wake up your entire sissy as* neighborhood, so that's a fact you will have to live with as you proudly announce your arrival every time you come home.  I have no idea what is the real MPG is on this thirsty leviathan, but I assure you it gulps on gas as if it was one of the cars from Mad Max desperate to outrun a nuclear missile.  And oh boy, well worth it.

And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the Hurst manual shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the rock hard clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.

This monster has no A/C but are you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: Stick your head out while driving like a man. “What if it rains?”. . .You whiney b*tch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain.  The monstrous 522 hp engine is guaranteed to make you lose 30 lbs off your fat face anyway as you boil away while impressing the sh*t out of everyone you encounter driving this car.

And forget about putting one of those “I Heart my Pontiac” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . …real quick.  They'll be in fuc*ing awe as they see this custom classic muscle car drive by them.

If you successfully win this auction and buy this Firebird you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this sh*t will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked….

1. More chest hair.
2. You’re growing a Paul Bunyan beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.

5. You’re going to start wearing black leather jackets.
6. S*x in the car.
7. Pen*s enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.  
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. S*x in the yard.
11. S*x in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary.
17. Promotions.
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing.
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. More tools in your garage.
24. Bigger TV.
25. Wife takes out the trash.
26. Wife worships you everyday.
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain.
32. Steaks for dinner.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Women on the side.
35. Wrestling with bea.
36. Building shit out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from Spearmint Rhino's Gentlemen Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge piece of meat.

Put your GPS back in your purse.

Sounds good doesn’t it?

This Firebird has carried me through 3,350 miles of sexy concrete twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “Drive?. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me disappointed. 

But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up above my reserve price…...American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.

Good luck son.