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This junkyard '91 Grand Am is as hooptie as it gets

I spend a lot of time in junkyards. A lot of time. With all this experience, I have learned to recognize a perfect hooptie when I see one, a car whose final owner got every last bit of use out of it when its value was hovering right about at scrap value. This 1991 Pontiac Grand Am that I spotted in a San Francisco Bay Area self-service wrecking yard a few days ago, from the final model year for the third-generation Grand Am, checks all the hooptie boxes just right. First of all, it's a low-option coupe with the wretched and unloved GM Iron Duke engine, a rattly, gnashy, thrashy 2.5-liter four-cylinder kludged together using off-the-shelf parts from the Pontiac 301-cubic-inch V8 during the darkest years of the Malaise Era and used in cars whose buyers just didn't care. Most of the paint has been burned off by 25 years of harsh California sun, but the car spent sufficient time in a damp, shady spot for lichens to build up here and there. There are skeletons-with-sombreros stencils sprayed here and there, plus a big moonshine-guzzling skeleton mural painted on the hood. Goodbye, property values! Still, someone felt some affection for this car, giving it the name "Good Ol' Snakey" and painting that name on the decklid. We can assume that the Iron Duke was a bit loose by this time, probably leaving a serpentine trail of blue smoke behind the car at all times. So, the combination of cheapness, ugliness, menace, and who-gives-a-damn functionality make this Grand Am an excellent example of a pure hooptie. Within a couple of months, it will be crushed, shredded, shipped out of the Port of Oakland, and reborn in China as refrigerators and Geely Emgrands. Somewhere in Northern California, though, a few of Ol' Smokey's friends will remember this car fondly.

Junkyard Gem: 2002 Pontiac Aztek

The General's Pontiac Division sold the Aztek for the 2001 through 2005 model years, and — despite enjoying something of a cultural rebirth in recent years — it is generally considered to be one of the worst cars of all time. The idea of using a minivan platform as the basis for a rough-and-tough-looking crossover with plenty of outdoor-lifestyle amenities wasn't the problem, since many vehicle manufacturers have printed bales of money using that formula. What doomed the Aztek was its hideous appearance and sticker price too lofty for its underemployed-at-the-time Generation X target demographic. Still, the Aztek proved to be perfectly suited for the outdoor activities that Coloradans love: hiking, camping, fishing, skiing, hauling mud-caked golden retrievers around, etc., and so you'll still find lots of Azteks on the roads of the Centennial State. Here's an Aztek Yellow Aztek (yes, that's really the paint color's official title) residing just a few rows from a '76 Checker Taxicab in a Denver self-service yard. Sure, it does look like a vehicle built to the specifications of a six-year-old who decreed a mashup between a Datsun F-10 and a Fisher-Price Little People Travel Together Airplane, but so what? There's a built-in air compressor to blow up your inflatable rafts and volleyballs, a tent attachment that turns the rear of the van into a camper, 12-volt power plugs all over the vehicle (years before this became commonplace on ordinary minivans and SUVs), and running-gear commonality with a jillion Ventures, Silhouettes, Montanas and Trans Sports. Buick managed to de-uglify the Aztek (somewhat) and sold it as the Rendezvous through 2007, but the Aztek never could win over many people with this face. I see plenty of Azteks and Rendezvouses in Denver-area wrecking yards, and I've documented a handful over the years. This one came fully loaded from the factory, with the Corvette-style heads-up display in full effect. The center console was a removable cooler, which was a great idea Â… except for the fact that this cooler holds five standard 12-ounce cans. Michigan residents tell me that this must have been intentional on the part of the Detroit-based Aztek designers, because Michiganders are expected to chug one beer out of a sixer as they walk from the liquor store to the car in the parking lot Â… which makes me extra cautious whenever I'm driving in the Wolverine State.

Porsche Sports Car Together Fest is a labor of many Porsche loves

Over Labor Day Weekend, Porsche held its second annual Sports Car Together Fest (SCTF) at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. We happened to be nearby, so we swung by to check out an event we’d never heard of until a few weeks before. Reading about it on Porsche's U.S. web site made us think it would be something like Rennsport Reunion for the Midwest. Turns out SCTF is just as much of a different kind of fun. The fest Tom MooreÂ’s the man behind Dark Horse Motorsports, the motorsport consultant for Porsche Cars North America (PCNA) PR. "People love Rennsport Reunion, but thatÂ’s every three to four years," he explained. “We wanted to gather people on those off years, and we didn't want to just do a mini Rennsport, because thatÂ’s its own thing. WeÂ’ve maintained the motorsport history at Rennsport. Here [at SCTF], we're doing the current look at what Porsche racing is for." In this case, that means gathering what Moore called "our Porsche motorsport pyramid." ThatÂ’s the range of enthusiast drivers from novice to hotshoes trying to get to top-tier endurance racing, "[starting] with the progression from Porsche Club of America track days up to the top of the ladder of one-make racing in North America," the Carrera Cup North America, a series made up of nothing but the latest 500-horsepower 911 GT3 Cup cars.  The three days of racing action allowed almost any kind of Porsche owner interested in clipping apexes to compete around an Indianapolis Motor Speedway layout tweaked with an infield section. This year, that included ex-NASCAR star Jeff Gordon, coming out of retirement to reunite with his longtime NASCAR crew chief Ray Evernham for the top-class Cup races.  Evernham told us Gordon hasnÂ’t raced in five years and he hasnÂ’t been a crew chief in 22. On very short practice, Gordon finished in 14th in the Pro Class in the first Carrera Cup race of the weekend driving the #24 Hendrick Performance Group Porsche, and 11th in the second race. Afterward, he said, "I made a pass on the white flag lap. That made my whole weekend Â… I must say that yesterday, I thought ‘man, I am getting beat out hereÂ’ and I donÂ’t like that. If I am going to be in an environment like this, I want to be competitive. But today turned the corner for me. So, I hope I get to do another one day."  When we strolled the paddock after the event, exposed sheet metal proved "Rubbing is racing" is a thing in the Carrera Cup as well as NASCAR.