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This junkyard '91 Grand Am is as hooptie as it gets

I spend a lot of time in junkyards. A lot of time. With all this experience, I have learned to recognize a perfect hooptie when I see one, a car whose final owner got every last bit of use out of it when its value was hovering right about at scrap value. This 1991 Pontiac Grand Am that I spotted in a San Francisco Bay Area self-service wrecking yard a few days ago, from the final model year for the third-generation Grand Am, checks all the hooptie boxes just right. First of all, it's a low-option coupe with the wretched and unloved GM Iron Duke engine, a rattly, gnashy, thrashy 2.5-liter four-cylinder kludged together using off-the-shelf parts from the Pontiac 301-cubic-inch V8 during the darkest years of the Malaise Era and used in cars whose buyers just didn't care. Most of the paint has been burned off by 25 years of harsh California sun, but the car spent sufficient time in a damp, shady spot for lichens to build up here and there. There are skeletons-with-sombreros stencils sprayed here and there, plus a big moonshine-guzzling skeleton mural painted on the hood. Goodbye, property values! Still, someone felt some affection for this car, giving it the name "Good Ol' Snakey" and painting that name on the decklid. We can assume that the Iron Duke was a bit loose by this time, probably leaving a serpentine trail of blue smoke behind the car at all times. So, the combination of cheapness, ugliness, menace, and who-gives-a-damn functionality make this Grand Am an excellent example of a pure hooptie. Within a couple of months, it will be crushed, shredded, shipped out of the Port of Oakland, and reborn in China as refrigerators and Geely Emgrands. Somewhere in Northern California, though, a few of Ol' Smokey's friends will remember this car fondly.

Pontiac could be a phoenix rising from the ashes

Of the deceased American car companies from the past 50 years such as Hummer, Mercury, Oldsmobile, Plymouth and Saturn, I believe the most worthy resurrection would be Pontiac. After all, it's no longer politically correct to drive an ex-military vehicle with single-digit gas mileage, nor do Millennials and Gen-Xers desire AARP-associated nameplates such as Mercury or Oldsmobile. Pontiac was originally founded in 1893 by Albert G. North and Harry G. Hamilton as the Pontiac Buggy Company, due to their location in Pontiac, Michigan. But as the early 1900s automotive revolution took off, they shifted their focus from horse-drawn carriages to motorized transportation. Taking a cue from Oakland County where they were based, they rebranded their organization as the Oakland Motor Company. Within a couple years, sales of Oakland cars were so good that it caught the attention of General Motors and they bought the company. In 1926, GM premiered the first Pontiac and its name drew inspiration from the legendary Native American War Chief, who was famous for the Battle of Bloody Run and opposition of British forces. His likeness was used in early promotional materials as well as the vehicle's emblem which was referred to simply as the "Indian Head". In 1956, the outdated emblem was replaced with a new, sleeker logo that resembled a red arrow head. It was known as "The Dart" and featured a singular star in the center which may have been a nod to Pontiac's successful Star Chief model. The 1960s saw the introduction of several popular models such as the GTO and the Firebird. The GTO was initially offered as an option package on the 1964 Tempest, and the name was the brainchild of John Delorean, who would later go on to form his own eponymous automobile company. The Firebird debuted in 1967 as a pony-car foil to Ford's award-winning Mustang. Although mechanically similar to Chevrolet's Camaro, the Firebird boasted a distinct sheetmetal nose and tail to help visually distinguish it. The 1980s were another adventurous time for Pontiac, and GM took advantage of the sales momentum by running a successful ad campaign. It proclaimed "We Build Excitement" and highlighted an arrangement with musicians Daryl Hall and John Oats. The fiery Fiero was a home-run for Pontiac and it was introduced in 1983 as an '84 model. Not only was it the first U.S. produced mid-engine sports coupe, but it also utilized lightweight, dent-resistant body panels.

This or That: 2005 Chrysler Crossfire SRT6 vs. 1984 Pontiac Fiero

Welcome to another round of This or That, where two Autoblog editors pick a topic, pick a side and pull no punches. Last round pitted yours truly against Associate Editor Brandon Turkus, and my chosen VW Vanagon Syncro narrowly defeated Brandon's 1987 Land Rover. In fact, it was, by far, the closest round we've seen, with 1,907 voters seeing things my way (for 50.8 percent of the vote) versus 1,848 votes for Brandon's Rover (49.2 percent). Sweet, sweet victory! For this latest round of This or That, I've roped Editor Greg Migliore into what I think is a rather fun debate. We've each chosen our favorite terrible cars, setting a price limit of $10,000 to make sure neither of us went too crazy with our automotive atrocities. I think we've both chosen terribly... and I mean that in the best way possible. 2005 Chrysler Crossfire SRT6 Jeremy Korzeniewski: Why It's Terrible: Taken in isolation, the Chrysler Crossfire isn't necessarily a terrible car. In fact, it drives pretty darn well, and there's a lot of solid engineering under its slinky shape. Problem is, that engineering was already rather long in the tooth well before Chrysler ever got its hands on it, having come from Mercedes-Benz, which used the basic chassis and drivetrain in a previous version of its SLK coupe and roadster. Granted, the SLK was an okay car, too, but even when new, it hardly set the world on fire with sporty driving dynamics. Chrysler took these decent-but-no-more bits and pieces from the Mercedes parts bin – remember, this car was conceived in the disastrous Merger Of Equals days – and covered them with a rather attractive hard-candy shell. Unfortunately, the super sporty shape wrote checks in the minds of buyers that its well-worn mechanicals were simply unable to cash, though an injection of power courtesy of a supercharged V6 engine in the SRT6 model, as seen here, certainly helped ease some of those woes. In the end, Chrysler was left with a so-called halo car that looked the part but never quite performed the part. It was almost universally panned by critics as an overpriced parts-bin special, which, I must add, was damningly accurate. As a result, sales were very slow, and within the first few months, dealers were clearancing the car at cut-rate prices, just to keep them from taking up too much of the showroom floor. Why It's Not That Terrible, After All: I can speak from personal experience when discussing the Chrysler Crossfire. You see, I owned one. Well, sort of...