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Watch this 800-hp Nissan Juke-R savage the 'Ring

The concept of the 545-horsepower Nissan Juke-R that stuffs the drivetrain of a GT-R into a subcompact crossover is already insane, but Russian company Shpilli Villi Engineering has taken things even further with their own crazy riff on the idea. Its version tunes the engine up to a claimed 800 horsepower, plus a shot of nitrous for an extra 200 hp to put it (way) over the top. Naturally, a number of other upgrades have been exacted in an effort to try and keep the custom Juke's shiny side up and the driveline internals from spontaneously rearranging themselves. Those changes include a beefed-up switchable all-wheel drive or rear-wheel drive layout and revised suspension.
Last year, you may recall that we saw an earlier version of Shpilli Villi Engineering's insanity testing with a mere 700 hp in a one-mile, standing drag race against a Bugatti Veyron. In that state of tune, the Juke-R lost, but by less than a hundredth of a second. Now, owner and racer Vladimir Ulanov has brought his madness to the Nürburgring Nordschleife to see how it does around a damp lap of the famous track.
It looks like 800 hp and a moist track might be almost too much for this Juke to handle, because Ulanov gets very loose at several points during the lap. Understandably, his passenger seems suitably impressed and possibly a little freaked out at the end. See what you think of this craziness by watching the video.

Nismo GT-R poised to be fastest Nissan ever

For almost every year since the Nissan GT-R first debuted, Nissan has been figuring out how to cram more power under the hood or give it 911-like quickness around the Nürburgring. Looking to create a brand image for its performance arm, we already knew that a hotter, Nismo-branded GT-R was in the works, but it seems some details may have leaked regarding this new Nismo GT-R.
While little has been spoken of this Super GT-R since February, Top Gear is reporting that Nismo is planning to make improvements to the coupe's power, handing and styling - three things that we're sure few have complained about since 2009. What could this mean for the GT-R? According to the article, Nismo could be looking to raise horsepower from the current 545-hp mark to more than 570 hp, and handling upgrades could give the car a 'Ring lap time of seven minutes and 22 seconds, which as Top Gear points out, is four seconds quicker than the new 911 GT3.

Nissan NV200 Taxi

"You're a long way from home!"
When I signed up to drive a pre-production version of the Nissan NV200 Taxi, I expected to have a higher-than-normal level of interaction with the public at large. However, while I was hoping for unsuspecting Ann Arborites to perhaps hail me down, or maybe even get a hop-in when stopped at an intersection, I didn't really think I'd be hassled in parking lots so much. And yet, almost as if all of the Dad-Joke energy in the universe was drawn to my tall, yellow ride, seemingly everywhere I parked I heard some iteration of the phrase above.
Har har, guys.