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2015 Mini Cooper stuns crowd, itself [w/videos]

Remember the Mini Rocketman concept from 2011? While we were really, really hoping for a production version - a properly mini Mini - that never happened. And it won't. But what we are getting is a whole lot of that showcar's styling cues applied to the third-generation Mini Cooper hardtop, a model making its debut here at the LA Auto Show. And while from most angles, the new Mini is as cute as ever, we just can't quite warm up to that face - or that huge front overhang. The car simply looks like a frightened goldfish (that yellow paint isn't helping, either).
The car simply looks like a frightened goldfish (that yellow paint isn't helping, either).
It should probably be pretty nice to drive, though, with the base Cooper using a new turbocharged 1.5-liter three-cylinder engine good for 134 horsepower and 162 pound-feet of torque. Friskier Cooper S models get a healthy power increase, their 2.0-liter turbo engines putting out a full 189 hp and 207 lb-ft, with both engines are mated to either a six-speed manual or automatic transmission.

2014 Mini John Cooper Works Countryman All4

The standard Mini Countryman is a bit of an odd duck against the backdrop of 'normal' small crossovers like the Mazda CX-5 and the Ford Escape, but I sort of get it. Apply the same winning Mini formula to a CUV, and you get a smaller-than-average entry in the segment, one that is far more entertaining to drive than the norm, more stylish inside and out and pretty expensive when cross-shopped. That list of qualities doesn't appeal to all crossover shoppers, sure, but it intrigues a big enough list that the Countryman has reason for being.
Now, add the expensive John Cooper Works package to the Countryman's already niche goodies list, and Mini starts to lose me. So, I'm getting the softer suspended, taller, generally less dynamically joyful version of the brand's core values, but now you're charging me at least $35,000 ($13k more expensive than the basic, front-drive Cooper Countryman and $7k more than the MSRP of the Cooper S All4 version)? What's that? You're going to make it look like a garish, tippy-toed tuner car in the process? Take my money.
Or, actually, let me keep it. I can swing with a lot of the weirdness that Mini has to offer, but this car pushed me past my limit.

2014 Mini John Cooper Works GP

About three weeks prior to this brief yet balls-to-the-wall drive on the Spanish island of Mallorca, I saw that Mini USA announced pricing for the keenly anticipated Mini John Copper Works GP. And that number would be - *a-hem* - $39,950 for starters.
I am always intent upon finding the pinnacle of what a certain car promises me, and almost at any cost. Almost. When I think "steaming hatchback," I think of something exactly like this Mini GP, and the steep price doesn't squelch my pleasure. They're only building 2,000 of them anyway, and the units coming to the US will start arriving in owners' hands on March 16 of next year. These buyers will be extremely happy and remorse-free.
Five scorched laps at the very Mini-perfect Circuito Mallorca RennArena showed me all.