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Race recap: 2016 Bahrain Grand Prix was everything good and bad about F1

Nothing was as it seemed heading into Bahrain. We were told team bosses had nixed the qualifying experiment that flunked every test by every measure in Australia, but that didn't happen. The FIA didn't give the teams the option of a wholesale return to the old format, the governing body only held a vote on whether to revert back to the old format in Q3 but stick with elimination gimmicks in Q1 and Q2. McLaren and Red Bull dissented, denying the chance for hybrid rounds. We're surprised none of the smaller teams voted against since elimination qualifying is hardest on them. Given the chance to fix the system again in Bahrain, Formula 1 failed again. The FIA and Bernie Ecclestone don't want to go back to the old system – because the race promoters don't want to go back to the old system – so all we know for sure is that there will be more meetings. We also thought Fernando Alonso would race in Bahrain after being given medical clearance, but a follow-up scan by the FIA showed fractured ribs and a damaged lung, ruling him out. And we thought Ferrari might have the pace to conquer Mercedes-AMG Petronas this year – and they might yet, but not on Saturday. That's why the Bahrain race began with another Mercedes one-two, Lewis Hamilton ahead of Nico Rosberg, Ferrari drivers Sebastian Vettel and Kimi Raikkonen behind. The Australian outback is plagued with rabbits, which must have something to do with how Daniel Ricciardo keeps pulling them out of his helmet; the Aussie got his Red Bull up to a surprising fifth on the grid. Williams drivers Valtteri Bottas in sixth and Felipe Massa in seventh would need to get him out of the way quickly to show what the car can do after an unsatisfying race in Australia. Nico Hulkenberg lined up in eighth for Sahara Force India. As proof the qualifying format failed again with its sophomore attempt, the last five minutes of Q2 were disappointing. Hulkenberg had the track completely to himself for his quali run, the only two cars on track after him were the Williams duo who weren't setting a time, but getting a set of soft tires ready to start the race on. As for Q1, the only reason for on-track action in the last three minutes was because Hamilton flubbed his first timed run. Romain Grosjean continued Haas F1's fruitful start to the season with ninth place, ahead of Max Verstappen in the Toro Rosso closing out the top ten. At the end of a long red light to start the race, Rosberg claimed his right to victory before Turn 1.

Watch this perfectly nice Mercedes get crushed by a front-end loader

In a world where the YouTube hoax continues to thrive, it's hard to know what to think of this little vid, but here are the facts as we know them: a coupe that looks like a first-generation Mercedes-Benz CLK gets crushed by a giant front-end loader. There you have it.
Our questions arise in the aftermath - we know industrial resource machinery is heavy, but the Benz gets squashed so flat we wonder if someone's trying to play a joke on us. We hear that the white coupe may have been the heavy-equipment operator's foreman's car, but who knows? The on-camera interview seems awfully conveniently placed, yes? See for yourself in the video below and then leave us your thoughts in Comments.

Brabus to storm Geneva with 800-hp version of Mercedes SL65 AMG

At no point during our recent drive of the 2013 Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG did we ever think, "You know, this thing sure is slow." After all, Merc's range-topping SL comes fitted with a twin-turbocharged 6.0-liter V12 capable of sending 621 horsepower and 738 pound-feet of torque to the rear wheels. But just in case you're still all "meh" about what the SL65 throws down, Brabus will gladly come to your rescue with this, the 800 Roadster.
As its name suggests, the 800 Roadster ups the V12's power figures to 800 horsepower and - wait for it - 1,047 pound-feet of torque. Don't get too excited, though - that torque number has been electronically limited to a measly 811 lb-ft since, you know, the transmission would probably explode if you tried to put the full force through it. Nevertheless, these represent increases of 79 hp and 73 lb-ft over the standard SL65, and that means the 800 Roadster can shoot to 62 miles per hour in just 3.7 seconds - two-tenths of a second quicker than the Merc its based on. More impressively, hitting 124 mph takes just under 10 seconds, and the droptop will finally top out at an electronically limited - limited! - 217 mph. Holy smokes.
To manage all of that speed, Brabus has engineered a special carbon fiber aero kit that reduces lift, and a unique control module for the SL65's active body control suspension lowers the ride height by one full inch. The 800 Roadster rides on new 20-inch wheels, and a unique limited-slip rear differential was added, featuring a 40 percent locking rate that further enhances performance when you're attempting to control the beast at its limits. Interior upgrades include new leather and alcantara surfaces throughout the cabin, including a leather-clad trunk.