1979 Ford Ranchero - 351, Factory Air, And A Ride You'll Never Forget! Read On! on 2040-cars

The year was 1979. I was rockin’ with my business up front, casual in back hair (for you youngsters, a “mullet”). Cutoffs for dudes were acceptable, and so were baby blue polyester leisure suits.  And I wore them all with pride.

I was saving up for my first 8-track in my Corvair when I drove past a Ford dealer and fell in lust with a girl I call “Badass Ranchero.”

If this car could talk, I’d be in fricken jail.   

Nothing came between Brooke Shields and her Calvins when this truck was born.  But unfortunately, it’s finally time for someone to come between me and Badass Ranchero.

I’m inviting you to continue my Ranchero escapades, and let Badass Ranchero’s Legend live on. It’s more than a car.  It’s more than a truck.  It’s the Badass Ranchero.

Badass Ranchero is a rust-free Arizona ride. 

If you like, I’m happy to go on your inaugural ride in Badass Ranchero, wherein together we will relive portions of it’s history through my descriptive tales.  I’m happy to provide the G-rated versions, or the XXX-rated versions upon request. We can belt out an off-key rendition of “Do you think I’m Sexy,” just as I did while rollin’ to the disco in ’79.  We can cry together as we relive hearing about the death of Freddie Mercury on the AM radio. While in the passenger seat, you may succumb to the overwhelming urge to tease your hair, and carry a rat-tailed comb in your rear Wrangler jeans pocket. I will not judge you.  I’ve been there, friend.  Hopefully Poncho from CHiPs won’t pull us over because of your sudden “need for speed” due to it’s manly 351cid engine with automatic transmission.  I’m sure we’ll do a single wheel-burnout, and Poncho will eat our dust coming from our dual exhaust, but he won’t catch us a second time on his rice-burner, that’s for sure.

You’ll tell from our drive that while she drives like a boat, the steering is power, as are the brakes.  (Only the best for my Badass!) 

Disclaimer:  This Badass Ranchero is so laden with testosterone, it’ll cause a noticeable increase in your chest hair merely by sitting in the driver’s seat.  As a result, you won’t even notice that while the A/C compressor turns, the car can’t get any cooler. (Seriously.  It blows as hot as the last date I had in it.)

Now accepting applications for the new Custodian of Badass Ranchero.  In order to apply, you must:

1. Know who Roscoe P. Coltrain is;

2. Respect the fact that Farrah Fawcett was the BOMB;

3. If you have never worn a mullet, you at least must be related to someone who sported one “Back in the Day.”  Proof will be required.

4. You need cash. 

5. You can’t return Badass.  She is sold “as-is,” with no warranty, express nor implied;

6. Miles are not actual, true miles are unknown.  Note: She's probably got more than I put on my last girlfriend;

7. Title nor car will be released until funds are cleared.  Wiring funds is best. Or cash on pickup.  ALL FUNDS MUST CLEAR.  Otherwise, I'll sic Scooby Doo on your a$$.

8. Ask all questions BEFORE purchase, not after. 

 Thanks for reading.

(description courtesy of my friend, Muffy. Date not included nor implied.)