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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part two

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice. Parker lives in Hawaii and can hold his breath longer than he can go without swearing. For Part One, click here. Or you can skip ahead to Part Three here. I write about surfing for a living. If you can call it a living. Basically means I spend my days fucking around and my wife pays for everything. Because she's got a real job that pays well. Brings home the bacon. Very progressive arrangement. Super twenty first century. I run a surf website, beachgrit.com, with two other guys. It's a strange gig. More or less uncensored. Kind of popular. Very good at alienating advertisers. My behavior has cost us a few bucks. I'm terrible at self-censorship. Know there's a line out there, no idea where it lies. I still don't understand any of the technical side. Might as well be astrophysics or something. For contests I do long rambling write ups. They rarely make much sense. Mainly just talk about my life, whatever random thoughts pop into my head. "Can you do something similar for Le Mans?" "Sure, but I know absolutely fuck-all about racing." "That's okay. Just write what you want." "Will do. But you're gonna need to edit my stuff. Probably censor it heavily." So here I am. I spent the last week trying to learn all I can about the sport of endurance racing. But there's only so much you can jam in your head. And I still don't understand any of the technical side. Might as well be astrophysics or something. While I rambled things were happening. Tracy Krohn spun into the gravel on the Forza chicane. #89 is out of the race after an accident I missed. Pegasus racing hit the wall on the Porsche curves. Bashed up front end, in the garage getting fixed. Toyota and Porsche are swapping back and forth in the front three. Ford back in the lead in GTE Pro. #91 Porsche took a stone through the radiator, down two laps. Not good. The wife and I are one of those weird childless couples that spend way too much time caring for the needs of their pet. French bulldog, Mr Eugene Victor Debs. Great little guy. Spent the last four years training him to be obedient and friendly. Nice thing about dogs, when you're sick of dealing with them you can just lock 'em in another room for a few hours. You don't need to worry about paying for college.

2015 Austrian F1 Grand Prix switches to alternating current

It's called the Red Bull Ring, guests are welcomed by a statue of a leaping bull, and dominating its layout demands powerful cars that can run it hard. Perhaps all that aggression is what led both Mercedes-AMG Petronas cars to run off the track in the final qualifying session on their final hot laps, a little too aggressive on the charge. Lewis Hamilton was first into the gravel at Turn 1 when he lost his car under braking, but he was still fast enough to get pole ahead of teammate Nico Rosberg, who spun at Turn 8. Rosberg started second. Or perhaps it wasn't the red bull but the scarlet horse that caused The Silver Arrows to muck it up: Ferrari driver Sebastian Vettel had Mercedes' attention all weekend, and he'd line up in third just 0.355 off Hamilton's time. Williams truly rediscovered its power, Felipe Massa going fourth fastest, teammate Valtteri Bottas in sixth. Between them was newly-minted Le Mans winner Nico Hulkenberg, yet again – can we say that enough? – pulling the still-not-updated Force India to fifth place on the grid. Max Verstappen led the Renault-powered top-ten duo in his Toro Rosso in seventh, Infiniti Red Bull Racing driver Daniil Kvyat behind him in eighth. Kvyat, however, would start down the order because of a ten-place grid penalty for needing a fifth Renault engine. After that it's back to Mercedes Ferrari power, Felipe Nasr in the Sauber in ninth, Romain Grosjean in with Mercedes power in the Lotus in tenth – but fellow Lotus driver Pastor Maldonado actually started in tenth because of Kvyat's demotion. Before we get to the race, can we take a moment to talk about the shenanigans and gaudy penalties? Kimi Raikkonen waved the Ferrari flag in Canada after a season that's been full of "We didn't get it right this time," and we thought he was back. But no. In Austria the refrain returned, the Finn kicked out of Q1 after another miscommunication with the team – he qualified 18th. If the scenario plays to form, we'll now wait for team boss Mauricio Arrivabene to issue a clarification that suggests Raikkonen missed a step. Daniel Ricciardo parachutes ten spots back for the same reason as his teammate Kvyat, needing a fifth Renault power unit, dropping him to 18th on the grid and forcing him into a five-second time penalty when he comes in to pit.

Race Recap: 2013 Italian Grand Prix is mistakes, gremlins and metronomes [spoilers]

The low-downforce, 5.793-kilometer circuit in Monza, Italy is known as the Temple of Speed, but only a few of the qualifying performances would have clued you into it. Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber in the Infiniti Red Bull Racing chassis' lined up first and second, and it didn't seem like Vettel had to work too hard to do so. Nico Hülkenberg truly lived up to his nickname, The Hulk, and put his Sauber third on the grid, a massive drive and turn-of-speed that even he didn't expect, especially with his teammate Esteban Gutiérrez down in 13th.
The rest of the top ten was what you might expect. Shenanigans at Ferrari ended up with Felipe Massa out-qualifying Fernando Alonso for fourth and fifth, a situation that led to Alonso calling his team either "stupid" or "genius," depending on how you translate his Italian, his sarcasm and his honesty. They were followed by Nico Rosberg in the Mercedes-AMG Petronas, the soon-to-be Infiniti Red Bull driver Daniel Ricciardo in the Toro Rosso, the McLaren duo of Sergio Perez and Jenson Button and the second Toro Rosso of Jean-Eric Vergne.
Why wasn't Kimi Räikkönen at Lotus in that group? Because his car only had the pace to make 11th on the grid, so he said. And behind him, Lewis Hamilton - who "drove like an idiot," in his words - in the second Mercedes.