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Online Find Of The Day: 2008 Cadillac XLR picks up where Excalibur left off

We try very, very hard to keep snark away from creations like the one you see here. After all, someone poured plenty of enthusiasm, time and money into turning a 2008 Cadillac XLR into a modern interpretation of the new-old cars typically done by cottage builders like Excalibur and Clénet. Even so, it's hard not to wince when you set an eye on this machine. With its wheelbase stretched to accommodate the extra bodywork, goofy sidewalls and upkicked nose (examine it in profile, it looks slightly bent in the middle), this "neoclassic" takes whatever was loveable about the Cadillac underneath and buries it in a tacky grave.
Miraculously, the engine bay has been left unmolested, which means the retractable hardtop convertible still features a 4.6-liter Northstar V8 engine good for 320 horsepower. If only that were enough to outrun its shame. If, for some reason, you feel like taking this thing home, Harry Kaufmann Motorcars of Milwaukee says it can be yours for a paltry $74,998. We wish were joking. Check it out here.

Cadillac CT6 to get twin-turbo V8

Say what you will about his decisions at Infiniti and now Cadillac, but Cadillac CEO Johan de Nysschen knows how to deliver a compelling interview. During an online Q&A session with Jalopnik readers, de Nysschen offered substantial hints at what's coming for the brand. By dropping coordinates on the brand's star chart, in reading the entire thing and connecting the dots you can see a Cadillac that is much grander than the one we know now. The CT6 that got revealed during the Oscars telecast? Answering the question of whether it would have the performance to compete with a Mercedes S550 or BMW 750, de Nysschen said the big sedan's "lightweight body structure allows us to achieve formidable performance even with a twin-turbo V6. Imagine how this car would perform with a twin-turbo V8." In clarifying a subsequent question that also dealt with how the CT6 would compare to German rivals, he wrote that the CT6 would have "a very wide mix of engines, starting with a two-liter turbo, up to, eventually, a high-performance advanced V8 turbo." Patience and the future and the word "eventually" were heavy themes. The brand will embrace diesel engines as well, de Nysschen writing, "We will have four-cylinder and six-cylinder diesel engines, but not before 2019." As to the return of something like the XLR, which was Corvette muscle underneath a Cadillac body, he wrote, "I think in the fullness of time, we will get around to developing a high-performance, very-emotive sports car as a halo for the Cadillac brand. But we have so many projects to occupy us through 2020 that this will have to wait a little while." And on the design language across model lines, which enthusiast Cassandras have warned is too similar (as if that hasn't worked out for the Germans), he wrote that it is "undergoing gradual evolution and you will notice stunning new designs in future models, which remain unmistakably Cadillac and reflect our DNA but which take our sophisticated Art and Science design to a new level." But of course he would say that, which is what brings us back to patience and the future and eventually, when we'll see what this all really means. It all reads well enough, and we'd love to see it happen. One thing we won't see are the ducks that once adorned the Cadillac crest; when a reader asked if he could have them back, de Nysschen said, "No, you can't have them back. I play with them each night in my bath." Head over to Jalopnik for the full read. It's worth it.

Watch Brad Pitt's Chinese Cadillac XTS commercial

Once upon a time, in a land not so far from this one, Brad Pitt was the very face anti-consumerism. You see, when he slipped into the role of the elitist-loathing, food-abusing, violence-embracing Tyler Durden from Fight Club, his visage was inextricably married to images of leveling credit card corporations with nothing more than a little human fat and some determination. Of course, that was before Pitt settled into old age with a passel of children at his feet. Now, it seems, he'll shill for something as long as it doesn't damage his reputation in America.
Need proof? Look no further than this Chinese ad for the Cadillac XTS. In it, Pitt contentedly wafts the big front-wheel drive barge around San Francisco against a mildly euphoric soundtrack. You can check out the scene for yourself below, just make sure you have your last meal squarely situated in your stomach before pressing play. We have to wonder if Pitt wakes up in the middle of the night with Chuck Palahniuk's oddly omniscient words echoing in his ears: "Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you."