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Clever video selling Saturn Ion "sex machine" will catch your eye

"When I think of the most impressive, industry changing, earth shattering vehicles of recent history, the first car that comes to my mind is the 2004 Saturn Ion Coupe." So says Brad Holt of Dallas, Texas. And he's right, clearly. One look at the specific specimen Holt is selling will be enough to convince you that the car "will absolutely tickle every one of your fancies," as claimed by the seller himself.
We suggest you watch the video below to see just how perfectly Holt's sex machine will fit into your life. The end result will no doubt be exactly as Holt ends his video: "You need it. Like a lot." You can also read more info from Brad in an interview here. If only our offices were a little closer to Dallas...

VIDEO: Saturn's demise? We blame Jim Gaffigan*

Click above to view the video after the jump
When the deal to sell Saturn to Penske Automotive fell through, there were likely a lot of surprised people at General Motors' Detroit, MI headquarters. Penske released a statement saying that the reason the deal fell through after months of good faith negotiations was that a suitable post-GM supply of vehicles could not be found. However, after reacquainting ourselves with over eight minutes of outtakes from Jim Gaffigan's old Saturn commercial, we're thinking the comedic pitchman is to blame.

First GM ignition switch trial dismissed

Robert Scheuer has agreed to dismiss his ignition switch claims against General Motors to bring a sudden stop to the first federal trial over the automaker's faulty parts. The lawsuit was the first of six cases that were a bellwether to set a precedent in the complaints. Scheuer didn't receive any financial settlement from GM, according to Reuters. Scheuer alleged that he was injured when his 2003 Saturn Ion went off the road and hit the tree. The airbag didn't deploy, which Scheuer claimed was the result of the faulty ignition switch. GM originally attempted to dismiss the trial over a lack of evidence, but US District Judge Jesse Furman set a January 11 start date for the case. During the trial, GM's attorneys accused Scheuer and his wife of lying and presented evidence of an allegedly altered check stub that they used to purchase a house. Scheuer's defense had claimed that the family was evicted from the home after memory loss from the accident caused Robert to lose the down payment check. After the allegations, Furman pushed for a settlement. He called the trial an "outlier" and "almost worthless as a bellwether case," according to Bloomberg. The next of the six trials begins in March, Reuters reports. Related Video: