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Rolls-Royce is officially in the SUV business

This might be the most brand-appropriate announcement ever for a previously unthinkinable vehicle, complete with a press release titled like a royal edict. After saying a month ago that it would decide on building an mixed-terrain hauler by the end of the year, Rolls-Royce issued a press release entitled, "An Open Letter from the Chairman and Chief Executive of Rolls-Royce Motor Cars on the Subject of a New Rolls-Royce." Let's hold on a second while the sound of trumpets dies down. Nowhere among its 453 words will you find the acronym "SUV," nor the words "sport" or "utility." You will find talk of "an all-new Rolls-Royce," "a high-bodied car, with an all-new aluminum architecture," "a vehicle that can cross any terrain," and references to Lawrence of Arabia traversing mountain ranges and "the vastness of unexplored deserts" and the founders' "rigorous overland adventures," complete with sepia photos. And then there's this: "History sets our precedent and our future calls us to action." Let's hold on a second while the applause dies down. We don't know when we'll see it - Rolls-Royce says it plans to take its time getting it right, to create a vehicle that is "Effortless ... Everywhere." We would believe any date we read about, though; not even two years ago we were told a Rolls-Royce SUV hadn't even been discussed since such a vehicle couldn't fit into the brand ethos, not even a year ago the company's head designer had narrowed it down to "a shooting brake, not a crossover with a sloping roof. A proper SUV," with the Ghost platform for support and a speculated release date of 2017. If they brought a near-production-ready sample to the Frankfurt Motor Show this year, we wouldn't be surprised. We sincerely hope that, like the image, it comes with a man to shovel any obstacles out of the way. Gather round the dais and enjoy the press release below. It's a whole new world. Related Video: AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE CHAIRMAN AND THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OF ROLLS-ROYCE MOTOR CARS ON THE SUBJECT OF A NEW ROLLS-ROYCE 18.02.2015 -- The launch of Phantom in 2003 marked the beginning of the renaissance of Rolls-Royce Motor Cars. Since then, we have set a new benchmark for what a super-luxury car should be – unique, hand-crafted, beautiful and rare. Often imitated, Phantom has never been equalled and continues to be hailed as 'The Best Car in the World' by our customers and media alike.

Watch this Rolls-Royce Phantom get grassy knees

Here's a pro tip: if you're going to fire your chauffeur, make sure he hands over the keys to your Rolls-Royce Phantom first. If you don't, you just might wind up with scene like the one in the video below on your hands. In it, some sprightly soul decides to eschew the beaten path for a quick frolicking over hill and dale in the luxury leviathan. The grounds will never be the same. Grass, mud and water are all sent scattering as the Rolls-Royce proceeds to pound the earth into submission.
There's also a few smoky burnouts thrown in for good measure. We can appreciate any shenanigans with a high-dollar automobile that don't end in wrinkled sheetmetal. You can check out the full glory of the sideways Phantom in the video below.

Hearse based on Rolls-Royce Ghost called the Ghoster, may be too on-the-nose

If you want to roll in a Rolls-Royce even after the very end, an Italian company called Biemme Special Cars has turned the Ghost into one of the world's most luxurious hearses. It keeps the sedan's distinctive rear-hinged doors and luxurious cabin and adds a huge coffin compartment. While it's relatively difficult to make an elegant-looking hearse, the Ghost-based model — which is oddly known as the Ghoster — features a pretty sleek design. It's almost identical to the regular-production Ghost from the tip of the front bumper to the upper part of the windshield. Beyond that, it features an upward-sloping roof panel painted in the same color as the hood, huge side windows with a bright frame, and a seriously long wheelbase. Biemme explains that it expanded the Ghost's body using a tubular structure that's covered with steel panels. The passenger compartment looks like it's standard Ghost fare, so what you get largely depends on the boxes you tick when you configure the car. Wood interior trim, leather upholstery, and other opulences comes standard, and Biemme notes that a 1,300-watt sound system is available ... because you need that in a hearse? Maybe to play something by Ray Parker Jr.? The list of options also includes a built-in drink cooler, the Starlight headliner, internet connectivity, and LED interior lighting, while the rear doors can be ordered with curtains. Biemme separated the passenger and coffin compartments with a shatter-proof divider. It then added a power-operated platform and LED lighting, while the same type of wood trim and leather upholstery used in the passenger compartment adds a finishing touch to the design. There are no hearse-specific mechanical modifications. Power comes from a 6.7-liter V12 that's twin-turbocharged to 563 horsepower and 627 pound-feet of torque, so the Ghoster should offer decent acceleration in spite of what we imagine is a not-inconsequential amount of weight added by the hearse conversion.  Biemme hasn't announced pricing for the Ghoster. For context, the standard Rolls-Royce Ghost starts at approximately $350,000. Featured Gallery Rolls-Royce Ghost-based Ghoster hearse Aftermarket Rolls-Royce Wagon Luxury