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Mark Webber treats Maria Sharapova to a Porsche 918 Spyder joyride

We don't much like Mark Webber right now. Part of being a racing driver is dealing with promotional stuff. It's not hard to find a driver that can't stand all this nonsense, whether it be promoting a product, meeting investors or attending some obscure event. Even a driver of Webber's caliber - a former Formula One driver for Red Bull Racing and a member of Porsche's factory Le Mans team - has to serve his time at the promo events.
Somehow, though, we don't think the Aussie driver minds this particular promo detail. In the video below, Webber attends the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix in Stuttgart. He then takes tennis superstar Maria Sharapova out for a spin behind the wheel of the Porsche 918 Spyder. The level of jealousy at the Autoblog office is palpable.
Take a look below for the video. And as we're super jealous of Mr. Webber, hop into Comments and caption the above photo based on what you think he's saying to Maria. Bonus points if you can work "vegemite" into the caption.

Porsche revisits the 911's dirty side with rally history film

It might not be a coincidence that there are rumors of Porsche revealing a safari version of the 911 at April's Beijing Motor Show, just as the Dakar Rally is about to begin. Adding fuel to the dusty desert fire is a just-released official video of Jeff Zwart driving the Porsche 953 that Jacky Ickx drove to victory in the 1984 edition of the race.
In the video, the seven-time Pikes Peak International Hill Climb winner talks about how he grew up with the 911; it wasn't only the car he learned to drive in, it was his choice of racecar no matter whether the course was tarmac or the dirty stuff.
You can decide for yourself if these recent events are mere coincidence while you enjoy the 953's exhaust note in the video below. If you've got the time to see the 953 during its race-conquering drive and find out what the ersatz Paris-Dakar Rally used to be, we've also included a broadcast of that 1984 race below as well. Fast-forward to 19:44 to see the Porsches cross the open dessert and 29:09 to watch one of them tackle the dunes.

Porsche Macan Turbo vs Cayman GTS in track battle

"Well this is stupid." On the surface, that was our reaction to this video, as well. Why would you compare the hottest Porsche Cayman with a crossover of any kind, even if it is the 400-horsepower Macan Turbo?
We're guessing because it'd be bloody good fun, as evidenced Auto Express's latest track battle. To be fair, there is some interesting stuff here. The two do have a similar starting price, separated by less than $3,000 here in the US market. And, factoring in the Macan's hefty horsepower and torque advantages - 60 horsepower and 126 pound-feet - does make for a slightly interesting comparison.
We won't spoil the verdict, so check out the full video from Auto Express, and then let us know what you think in Comments.