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This junkyard '91 Grand Am is as hooptie as it gets

I spend a lot of time in junkyards. A lot of time. With all this experience, I have learned to recognize a perfect hooptie when I see one, a car whose final owner got every last bit of use out of it when its value was hovering right about at scrap value. This 1991 Pontiac Grand Am that I spotted in a San Francisco Bay Area self-service wrecking yard a few days ago, from the final model year for the third-generation Grand Am, checks all the hooptie boxes just right. First of all, it's a low-option coupe with the wretched and unloved GM Iron Duke engine, a rattly, gnashy, thrashy 2.5-liter four-cylinder kludged together using off-the-shelf parts from the Pontiac 301-cubic-inch V8 during the darkest years of the Malaise Era and used in cars whose buyers just didn't care. Most of the paint has been burned off by 25 years of harsh California sun, but the car spent sufficient time in a damp, shady spot for lichens to build up here and there. There are skeletons-with-sombreros stencils sprayed here and there, plus a big moonshine-guzzling skeleton mural painted on the hood. Goodbye, property values! Still, someone felt some affection for this car, giving it the name "Good Ol' Snakey" and painting that name on the decklid. We can assume that the Iron Duke was a bit loose by this time, probably leaving a serpentine trail of blue smoke behind the car at all times. So, the combination of cheapness, ugliness, menace, and who-gives-a-damn functionality make this Grand Am an excellent example of a pure hooptie. Within a couple of months, it will be crushed, shredded, shipped out of the Port of Oakland, and reborn in China as refrigerators and Geely Emgrands. Somewhere in Northern California, though, a few of Ol' Smokey's friends will remember this car fondly.

Motorweek looks back at the Pontiac Aztek

The Pontiac Aztek has earned a position as this generation's ultimate, automotive punchline. Even other execrable models like the Yugo or Mustang II probably get more respect these days just out of their sheer quirkiness, but the Aztek remains a joke. Fortify your mind for what's coming, though, because the much-maligned Pontiac might not be quite so atrocious, at least according to MotorWeek's latest Retro Review video. MotorWeek calls the Aztek, "GM's first true crossover vehicle," and it's amazing to think of the hated model as a progenitor of one of the most popular segments today. While admitting that the looks are polarizing, John Davis and company actually come away pleased with the Aztek's utility. They praise that there's a ton of room in the back, and the interior is packed with useful features like a removable cooler in the center console and radio controls in a cargo area. The show is even impressed with how the Pontiac drives and throws around accolades like "nimble" and "pleasant." After seeing the Aztek leading the pack on lists of the worst vehicles of all time for years, listening to it get such effusive praise is actually quite jarring. Could we all be so wrong? No, there's absolutely no debate that this is still a hideous automobile. However, MotorWeek asserts a complete reversal of the generally perceived wisdom about the early CUV. While unexpected, thinking about such an abhorred model in a different way is a cool experience. Check out the video for a different take on the Aztek.

6 car mashups that God never intended

In the 2000s, the musical mashup genre saw a peak of popularity with releases like The Grey Album from Danger Mouse that mixed The Beatles and Jay-Z. UK artist James Pursey from Carwow decided to take the same concept of shoehorning two disparate things together but applied the concept to cars. Your opinion on the results will vary with your sense of humor. These creations are either some funny pieces of abstract art or absolute monstrosities that prove good design should be left alone. Likely the best of the bunch is the Lambotomic (pictured above), which combines a Lamborghini Miura and an Ariel Atom. Granted, the Ariel is little more than a skeleton to begin with, and the outcome looks like a slightly stretched Atom with the new nose and tail from one of the most beautiful vehicles ever. This could actually work. Though, not all of the mashups are quite so pleasant. The Porschiac WW RS (pictured right) is absolutely disgusting. It combines a Pontiac Aztek, which isn't a beauty queen to start with, and a Porsche 911 GT3 RS. Obviously, the 911 is an iconic shape in autonobolia, but that can't save it from the horror of the Aztek. Pursey fits the its nose, wheel, wing, roll cage and stripes onto the Pontiac. The outcome: A design that will show up in your nightmares. Check out the gallery for the rest of the mashups, including the Humi (a Humvee and a Mini), Aston Smartin (Aston Martin and Smart), Rangerini (Range Rover and Lamborghini Aventador) and the Mazdafenda (Mazda MX-5 Miata and Land Rover Defender). They might not all be beautiful (or even pretty), but it's fun to imagine these oddball creations actually driving down the road. Featured Gallery Car Mashups News Source: CarwowImage Credit: James Pursey Design/Style Humor Lamborghini Pontiac Porsche ariel atom lamborghini miura pontiac aztek mashup