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Nissan Qashqai getting Juke-R treatment

As long as there are sacred cows, there will be heretics sharpening their knives in anticipation of the butchering. When Nissan first carved into the mighty GT-R to create the Juke-R, onlookers quickly fell into two camps: those who thought the plan was sheer genius and those who believed cannibalizing a GT-R to feed a Juke was a new brand of obscenity. We fell firmly in the former camp. Now Severn Valley Motorsport is looking to take that theme one step further by shoving the go-faster bits from a GT-R into a Nissan Qashqai. That noise you hear? It's us cackling like mad men.
While we can't say for certain, we're guessing the project should yield the world's fastest Qashqai thanks in no small part to the twin-turbocharged VR38DETT V6 engine from the GT-R. Throw in the all-wheel-drive system and the little CUV should change demeanor dramatically. We can't wait to see this thing in action.

Nissan Patrol attempts Guinness record with 170-ton cargo plane tow

Yesterday, Nissan teased us with a video showing a Patrol pulling up to a 170-ton cargo plane at an airport in the Middle East - we could only assume that the not-for-America sports utility vehicle would attempt to tow the jet.
Well, somebody leaked the official Nissan video, which indeed shows the Patrol successfully pulling the plane 30 meters for what reportedly is a Guinness world record. While Guinness hasn't confirmed the record on its website at time of writing, the 170-ton jet would be the heaviest plane ever towed by a production automobile. The video was taken down quickly, but another video shot by an observer at the event was posted for our enjoyment. We figured Nissan would move to repost the official video sooner rather than later, and it did.
The Patrol seems to have no problem towing 340,000 pounds, but let's just say it wasn't a quick ordeal. Check out the official and unofficial video of the tow below, as well as Nissan's teaser video. In a reversal of fortunes, we also threw in another, somewhat smaller but perhaps just as impressive vid, just for fun.

Man sells testicle to buy Nissan 370Z

We aren't entirely sure what's stranger about this story - that a man actually sold a vital piece of his manhood for a car, or that he did it for a Nissan 370Z. That's not to discredit the trusty Fairlady, a car we generally like, but that if we were to do what Mark Parisi did and sell one of his testicles to science, we'd be asking for a helluva lot more than $35,000.
But Parisi did just that, and announced live on CBS' The Doctors (we really can't make this up) that the sale of his nut would go towards the purchase of a Z. According to our friends Down Under (Australia, get your mind out of the gutter), $35K is the going rate for one slightly used testicle, so if you get nothing else from this story, gentlemen, know that you have $70,000 swinging between your legs.