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Kit Cat: Mercury Cougar makes perfect Bugatti Veyron substitute

Bugatti Veyron kit car - Click above for high-res image gallery
If you've got a pulse in your wrist and a snapping brain cell in your head, chances are you wouldn't mind parking a Bugatti Veyron in your garage. But for most mere mortals, scrounging up the cash for a physics-bending piece of 16-cylinder glory would require all sorts of unpalatable tasks. Fortunately for those who want to look the part without having to participate in human trafficking, the kit car universe has stepped in to save the day. All you need is a 1999-2002 Mercury Cougar, a boat load of fiberglass and a little patience.
Oh, and $89,000.

This Mercury Cougar Eliminator is a lovely '69 survivor

If you have an overachieving brother/sister/cousin/friend (or whoever), you might know this feeling well; it can be tough to live up to those standards. In many ways, that notion can also describe the Mercury Cougar and its pioneering Ford Mustang sibling. Quite the act to follow, no? Happily though, the Cougar proved to be different enough from its Mustang relative to make a big splash, and perhaps no more so than in its racy "Eliminator" trim, new for 1969. This is one such heady Mercury, dressed in sporty Competition Orange paint, and claimed to be an unrestored "survivor." Need it in your life? The '69 Mercury Cougar Eliminator recently popped up on eBay in Chepachet, Rhode Island . The genesis of the Mercury Cougar began in 1967, really with one singular purpose—to bridge the gap between the Ford Mustang and the Ford Thunderbird with a more upscale, stylish, and chiefly more "European" feeling pony car. It's safe to say the Cougar fit the bill. Using the Mustang chassis as a base, the early Cougars were about three inches longer than their 'Stang cousins and offered better legroom, sleek front and rear fascias, and a more luxe interior. Don't mistake "upscale" for "soft" however; come 1969 the Eliminator package gave the Cougar a seriously mean attitude. Spec-up the interior package and you received high-back bucket seats, a Rallye clock, wood-rimmed steering wheel, and padded interior moldings among other custom trims. Outside is where the Eliminator really struts its stuff, though. Eliminators came equipped with a blacked-out grille, special steel wheels, an aggressive front splitter and rear wing, plus racy decals and side stripes. Four color choices were available — Competition Orange, Bright Blue Metallic, White, and Bright Yellow. As standard, the '69 Mercury Cougar Eliminator came equipped with a 351 cubic inch V8, boasting 290 horsepower, as seen in the case of this car. More powerful options were also available, as noted by Barnfinds, which included a big 390 cubic inch V8 (320 hp), a high-revving Boss 302 V8, and the gargantuan 428 Cobra Jet V8. Peek beneath the body of this Cougar and the 351ci V8 is hooked up to a desirable close-ratio four-speed manual transmission, showing a claimed 35,243 miles. Though the mileage isn't verified, the car's overall condition and wear would suggest the readings to be true. Befitting those low miles, this unrestored Cougar does carry quite the high price — a tall $32,000.

What do you do with a fake Bugatti Veyron for $60k?

Replica cars are a challenging labor of love because builders spend countless hours recreating a vehicle that people immediately compare to the real thing. Perhaps, the person behind this Mercury Cougar-based Bugatti Veyron should look for another way to pass that time. The coupe is currently for sale on eBay Motors for $59,900. The builder deserves some credit because the fiberglass body looks acceptable in the photos from farther away. The car might even fool a few people from a distance. However, the devil is in the details, and the closer you look, the worse this gets. The side intakes are especially rough. The red interior is atrocious. It's essentially the Cougar's cabin but in an eye-searing shade accented with lots of fake carbon fiber. The seller's eBay Motors ad really tries to market the look, though. "You slide in to [sic] this extremely comfortable leather interior and you feel like your bank account just quadrupled in size," the listing says. Don't expect to win any top speed titles in this Veyron replica, either. Rather than a mid-mounted quad-turbo W16, a 3.0-liter V6 from a Mercury Sable sits at the front. Thanks to an upgraded intake and exhaust, the seller claims, "It doesn't sound like your grandmas [sic] Sable." We wish the seller the best of luck, but the asking price of nearly $60,000 is probably too optimistic. We would still think twice about buying it even after taking a zero off that figure, but at least this thing is fun to look at. Related Video: