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Jaguar puts Mourinho on ice

There is principal among the persecuted to embrace insults and turn them around. That's how the gay community turned "queer" from a pejorative term into a badge of pride. Now Jaguar has done the same with "footballer's car." While this has been generally seen as the UK equivalent of a "rapper's car," generally a big four-wheel-drive such as a Range Rover, blinged up so as to make it unusable off-road, Jaguar has taken the curious step of deliberately putting a footballer in the new F-Pace. Before you can even buy a Jaguar F-Pace, the company has taken ex-Chelsea and Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho to Northern Sweden to drive a prototype on ice. And there is not an ounce of bling about the event. It was run on 60 km (37 miles) of frozen lake at Jaguar Land Rover's extreme testing facility in Arjeplog, Sweden, which is 40 miles from the Arctic Circle. And it's not just JLR engineers who get to do this. Jaguar sells the "Jaguar Ice Drive Experience," while Porsche has something similar and if you really want to go for it there is a company that does it in Porsches, Maseratis, and the wonderful Alfa 4C. But those are not footballers' cars. Jag quotes Mourinho as saying, "The experience was magnificent. For people in my world, I think a few days in a place like this is magnificent." However even if you read it in a Spanish accent it still sounds like it was written by a PR man. Ditto the quote "I am always learning. Even in football, which is an area that obviously I feel that I'm an expert, I'm never perfect and I always learn." What Jaguar gets out of the association is some quotes about Mourinho's plans – he's going to stay in the UK – which means the major UK papers might pick it up. They probably will and then ignore all the cool ice driving stuff. What we get as car nuts is some awesome footage of the car power-sliding with rooster tails of snow. It's a good looking car; I've seen some testing on the roads around Jaguar's home of Coventry and did a double take. It's a little Macan-like but better looking. I've driven the F-Type with both the 375-HP V6 used in the Mourinho F-Pace piece and the 550-hp supercharged V8, and the V6 is plenty. Until you drive the V8, which blows your mind way. Indeed I have the letter on my desk pleading guilty to the fixed penalty (62 in a 50) that I picked up in the F-Type. What you can't tell from the video is how good the V6 sounds. How it does a nice little wake-the-neighbours blip when you switch it on.

Jaguar XJ220 hooned remotely by a kid

The Tax the Rich crew has a knack for indulging in automotive fantasies and capturing it all on video, such as a tug-of-war battle between two Ferrari F50s, drifting a Ferrari Enzo on gravel roads and even powersliding a Rolls-Royce Phantom on a field of wet grass. This latest video features a Jaguar XJ220 and a kid with an iPad, who somehow is able to control the old supercar with the Apple product.
No, there's no app for that (yet), and we lied - the boy isn't actually controlling the car - but it sure is nice to see the XJ220 in all its turbocharged, six-cylinder glory doing donuts and sliding across a grassy field. It jolts us to see the old Jaguar - capable of 217 miles per hour and once described by Jeremy Clarkson as having no brakes and massive turbo lag - thrown about like a rally car, but then we never imagined anybody would abuse a Rolls-Royce like that either. We'll continue to leave the high-stakes antics to Tax the Rich - we're just glad somebody had the guts to behave so badly in such a valuable machine. What else were they made for?
Be sure to check out the video below, if you have a pulse.

2017 Jaguar F-Pace is on the prowl in Frankfurt [w/video] [UPDATE]

UPDATE: A previous version of this story indicated that rear-wheel drive was standard. This was incorrect. The F-Pace uses a standard all-wheel-drive system with a rear bias. The story has been edited to reflect this. After much teasing, Jaguar finally introduced the new F-Pace, the company's first ever crossover, at the 2015 Frankfurt Motor Show. Of course, we had to trek over to the Jaguar stand to have a look. As we already know a very great deal about the new F-Pace, we'll just recap some of the finer points. Prices for the five-place CUV begin at $42,390, which will score you a model with a 340-horsepower, 3.0-liter, supercharged V6. If you'd like the 380-hp version of that engine – along with a lot more equipment – prepare to pony up $56,700. The very cheapest way into the F-Pace, though, will be with the 2.0-liter, turbodiesel four-cylinder, which starts at $40,990, offers up a modest 180 hp, 317 lb-ft of torque, and an on-sale date of sometime late in 2016. An eight-speed automatic transmission is the sole gearbox for the two V6 models, although Jag hasn't said what gearbox it will pair with the diesel mill. The standard, rear-biased, all-wheel-drive system will feature brake-based torque vectoring that can switch up to an even 50:50 split. Adaptive dampers promise, meanwhile, promise a leaper-worthy handling character, while wheel sizes vary from 18 to 22-inch wheels. Speaking of that all-wheel-drive system, while this may not be a Land Rover, it still promises a degree of off-road ability. The wading depth is an adequate 20.7 inches, while the approach and departure angles are 25.5 and 25.7 degrees, respectively. As we said, that's not the equal to even the lowliest of Land Rovers, in this case the Discovery Sport, which can wade up to 23.6 inches, manage angles up to 25 degrees on approach, 31 degrees on departure, and features an advanced Terrain Response system. Those that were worried Jaguar's CUV would be stealing the thunder from the off-roaders at Land Rover – like your author – look to have been mistaken. Unsurprisingly, that handsome body is mostly aluminum, although there's some high-strength steel, and even a bit of magnesium and composite material, all of which contributes to a torsional rigidity on par with the lower-riding XF sedan. We have a wide lineup of live photos of the new CUV. Take a look, and keep an eye open for the F-Pace in dealers next spring.