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24 Hours of Le Mans live update part one

We tasked surfing journalist Rory Parker to watch this year's live stream of the 2016 24 Hours of Le Mans. What follows is an experiment to experience the world's greatest endurance race from the perspective of a motorsports novice with a profanity-laden stream-of-consciousness writing style. Parker lives in Hawaii and spends far more time spearfishing than behind the wheel of a car. Jump ahead to Part Two here, and Part Three here. Big Money and billionaire hobbyists and rockets on wheels. Jets belching French color smoke overhead. Balance of power fuckery. Plenty of water on the ground this morning. Absurdly expensive motorcars lined up in the pissing rain. Fast twitch lunatics behind the wheel. Chomping at the bit. Let's go let's go let's go! Race hasn't even started, Ford #67 maybe dealing with clutch issues. Karma? That beautiful bastard Brad Pitt's out on the track, waving the tricolor flag. It's a standing start in "Noah's Ark" weather and the 2016 24 hours of Le Mans is go! First lap takes place behind the safety car, finished in a record setting 8 minutes 27 seconds. Wrong kind of record maybe, but this is the first time I've set my mind to watching the whole damn race. Feel like I'm part of history. 3:00 AM on Kauai, a little too early for life. Sucking down coffee like a maniac. Don't fall back asleep. Got my hands on four hours of rest, how much more can I need? Better be enough for the next twenty four hours. Gonna get kinda punchy toward the end. Jason Statham on the scene. Four feet of solid muscle, non-existent hairline. Lovely wife peanut gallery sitting next to me calls him the "best race car drive in the world." Not sure if she's serious. Toss up, could go either way. Statham's a funny guy. Heir to the Bruce Willis comedy action crown. Really good in the movie where the fat comedy lady plays a spy. Ford's on the road. Problems with gearbox pressure, apparently. Nearing a half hour in and the safety car is still on the track. Hellish amounts of water on the ground, in the air. Visibility is garbage. Getting better. Twitter wags, "Not with a bang but a whimper." Just building suspense. Mother Nature felt like killing some people today, race officials need to dial back the drivers until it dries a tad. Normal inclination would've seen 'em flying, guaranteed early lap wrecks. Sad news for that bloodthirsty part of my lizard brain I try and keep suppressed. Good news for humanity. #12 in the pit for a bit.

Next Chevrolet Malibu to have 'groundbreaking,' 'passionate' design

In our First Drive of the Chevrolet Malibu after its redesign in 2013 we wrote, "Chevy has quickly worked up a host of changes for its ever-important midsize sedan, and will be launching this 'there, we fixed it' 2014 Malibu like it's an all-new product." Still, no one cared. The Malibu has been mentioned in eight posts this year, all but two of them dealt with recalls, and one of those two was about a 2011 Malibu university science project. It came up in precisely zero posts from November 2013 to March 2014. That's why, according to a report in Automotive News, Chevrolet honchos are "hustling" to have a new Malibu ready in a year. Mark Reuss, General Motors' head of global product development, said it will have "groundbreaking design" and "groundbreaking technology," and asked investors who were showed a picture of it, "When is the last time you saw a [midsize] car this distinctive and this dramatic from General Motors?" Doubling down on the bullishness, Reuss said, "We've got our act together here on the midsize-car segment." Then, throwing every last chip on the pile, global design head Ed Welburn said the next Malibu's design will "make a significant statement" with "a very passionate design." Based on the number of comments Malibu posts get, we figure a fair few number of you would love for this to be the case; yet this is a lot of braggadocio to slather on a car that probably hasn't made "a significant statement" since Elton John had a number one record with Honky Chateau. That was 1972, if you're trying to remember. No matter the looks, the AN report says the new 'Bu will make a profit statement, selling for more money while costing less to produce. Alongside the Cruze, GM figures the pair will bring in an extra $800 million in variable profit in 2016. Which, in case it ends up being another 'butterface,' isn't bad for a silver lining. Featured Gallery 2014 Chevrolet Malibu: First Drive View 36 Photos News Source: Automotive New - sub. req. Design/Style Chevrolet GM Sedan

New Corvette Feature Keeps An Eye On Valets

Face it. If you own a luxury or sports car, whenever you hand the keys to a valet, you imagine the car going on a high-speed joyride like the Ferrari in the 1980s cult movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Now, General Motors has an option on the 2015 Chevrolet Corvette that takes those worries away. The latest version of the sports car, due out in September, has a feature that records where the car goes with a camera mounted in the windshield trim. It also captures audio in the cabin as well as speed, engine revolutions per minute, gear position and G-force. That all helps the car tattle on any valet who doesn't take a slow, direct route to a parking space. GM says it's the most extensive attempt by an automaker to thwart valet joyriders, although it's not the first. The automotive website Edmunds.com says Hyundai and Mercedes offer "geofencing," a feature that sets a perimeter and then notifies the owner's smart phone if a car goes beyond it. Chrysler has a valet mode that caps engine speed and horsepower, while Audi lets owners limit engine speed for valets. With the Corvette, once the owner activates the feature with a four-digit code, the touch screen tells the driver it's in Valet Mode. But it doesn't warn the valet that he's being recorded. The feature also locks the glove box and a storage compartment in the dashboard and shuts down the infotainment system. Valet Mode started off as a performance data recorder for those who take their Corvettes on the racetrack. GM engineers quickly figured out that it had more uses. "Think of it as a baby monitor for your car," Corvette Product Manager Harlan Charles said in a statement. "Anyone who has felt apprehension about handing over their keys will appreciate the peace of mind of knowing exactly what happened while their baby was out of sight." Data and video from the valet mode can be viewed instantly by the owner on the car's 8-inch color screen when the car is parked, or it can be downloaded to a computer. The system could go into more mainstream models if feedback is good on the Corvette, GM spokesman Monte Doran said. The feature is paired with a navigation system and costs $1,795. A 2015 Corvette starts at just under $54,000. Chevrolet Technology Gadgets