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Behold my hideous Bentley!

Do you all just love my hideous Bentley? It's so insane and tacky. I'm sure if I were to actually order this a British lord somewhere would dispatch his valet to slap me.  Who knows where I'll figuratively be in two weeks' time, but today turns out to be the day I turned to see just how tacky certain car configurators will let you get. Admittedly, they're almost all high-dollar, extra-low-volume cars. If you try to play around on a Honda configurator, you'll have wrapped things up in about 30 seconds.  But Bentley, now that's a company that'll let you get tacky on its configurator. I chose the new Continental GT Convertible because the lowered roof would make it easy to demonstrate in pictures the level of my tackiness. From there, it was this eye-searing Apple Green, though I was certainly tempted by Azure Purple and Magenta. Roof choice? I was expecting there to be more, nevertheless, Claret red seemed like a suitably awful pairing.  Inside, well, let's crack those knuckles and get to work. Luckily, Bentley lets you choose two different leather colors: Main and Secondary "hides" with five choices of how to split those colors. Sorry, colours. I chose Colour Split B cause it seemed to have the most of each colour. For the Main Hide, I went with Hotspur, an extremely red shade of red that would be home in an early 2000s BMW. Cumbrian Green and Damson purple were tempting, but they just weren't bright enough, and I thought they wouldn't pair poorly enough with the Secondary Hide: Newmarket Tan, which is pretty damn orange. You can't see it, but the interior of the roof is Blue. For the veneer, I went with Tamo Ash, 'cause yuck. Finally, throw on some black wheels, and voila, my tacky Bentley. I must say, this is most definitely tackier than the real Bentley Flying Spur I once tested that looked like South Beach threw up inside. So much white and teal. Oh, and that ash wood. A Bentley rep told me they ordered it by mistake.  Now, Bentley isn't the only high-dollar outfit that lets you indulge in such tacky fantasies. Most other British brands do, including Mini, and the Germans offer plenty of color choices as well, usually through some special custom program like Audi Exclusive. Porsche makes it especially easy, though, which you can see in my other craptacular creation below.

Bentley and Italdesign tease Geneva reveals

With five weeks to go until the Geneva Motor Show on March 5, automakers have begun the tease campaign. But because there are still five weeks to go, the teases are a little stingy. Bentley and Italdesign, two brands owned by the Volkswagen Group - Audi, specifically, owns Italdesign - break the seal with what look like two sports cars, the segment Geneva's best known for. Bentley, surprise, surprise, will celebrate its centenary year at Geneva with something inspired by its Le Mans history. The English carmaker's teaser video contains a number of historical elements that we don't know how to line up with the grille of the modern Bentley featuring a "9" graphic. The narrator detailing the early Le Mans race mentions 60 entries, but Le Mans never fielded exactly sixty entries during Bentley's fame-making days. The closest we could get was the 1925 race, the year after Bentley's first win, which saw 55 cars line up. But in 1925, the No. 9 Bentley had to retire after 13 hours when it caught on fire during a fuel stop. Instead, Bentley could be referring to the next evolution of its race cars. The brand won Le Mans with the Speed 6, and used the Speed 8 to win the 2003 race. Italdesign has gone even more cryptic with its teaser. The styling house most recently known for the Lamborghini Huracan-based Zerouno in 2017, and the Zerouno Duerte and Nissan GT-R50 in 2018, is promoting something else with serious wing. We'll guess it isn't another Zerouno derivative because of the wing stanchion. Freezing a few of the frames reveals background lines that make whatever's coming look highly racy. We'll get answers in the city by the lake. And most likely, a few more teasers before then. Related Video:

2019 Mercedes-Benz G-Class vs big luxury off-roaders: How they compare on paper

During our first drive of the 2019 Mercedes-Benz G-Class, the all-new SUV's product manager was asked to identify competitors that might have been benchmarked in its development. The look on his face was about the same as if someone had asked him to recite King Lear in Klingon. As far as Andreas Hoeppel was concerned, the G 550 and AMG G 63 doesn't actually have a rival, or at least something the engineers and designers thought to compare it against. The G-Class is a G-Class, who cares what the other guys are doing? Well, in case you care, we figured we'd plug the new G-Class' specs into the old Autoblog Comparo Generator 3000 (TM) to see how the G 550 and AMG G 63 compare to the Range Rover and its mightiest SVAutobiography Dynamic model, plus the Lexus LX 570 and Bentley Bentayga V8. Frankly, Heir Hoeppel was onto something as each of these is wildly different. But, they do share some common elements: giant size and weight, ultra-lux interiors, and far more off-roading capability than other luxury SUVs offer and any of its owners are likely to ever utilize. Sad. So enjoy this trip down specification lane, and if you're still left hungry, you can always check out our Range Rover comparison or create your very own comparo. Off-Road Clearances and Capability All the fancy off-roading software and special cameras in the world won't do you a lick of good if your SUV is too close to the ground or has low-hanging body work that'll get easily ripped off. As such, check out each of these uber-SUV's ground clearance, approach and departure angles, and wading/fording depths. In this case, the Range Rover has an advantage due to its air suspension that can raise itself into an Off-Roading height that's a whopping 2 inches higher than the new G-Wagen. Sadly for itself, Lexus only provides figures for its air suspension when in normal height. It could match or surpass the Range Rover for all we know (but doubt it). As Land Rover does provide figures for the Range Rover's approach and departure angles in normal and Off-Road height, you can get an idea of just how much clearance the new G-Wagen has without any fancy (and expensive to fix) raising and lowering air suspension hardware. In fact, its departure angle is better than even the Range Rover's Off-Road height. Bentley doesn't provide any such information despite touting the Bentayga's surprising off-roading talents.