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2016 BMW X5 M is big and bold, not beautiful

Awesome as it is, the BMW X5 M has never really been an attractive machine. Big and bulgy are the themes here, and that's only more pronounced with the X5's most recent refresh. But no matter, the X5 M has never been about looks - for this machine, it's all about performance, and BMW's hi-po crossover absolutely delivers in this regard.
Under the hood is the familiar 4.4-liter, twin-turbo V8, though power has been boosted to 567 horsepower and 553 pound-feet of torque - healthy increases of 12 and 53, respectively, compared to the outgoing model. Hitting 60 miles per hour is said to take just four seconds, which is damn impressive considering this thing weighs well over 5,000 pounds.
But the X5 M has always been shockingly good to drive, with limits you'll never reach except in the most hardcore track scenarios (which we'd really like to see, by the way). It's not the prettiest thing ever, but that's okay. It's not exactly cheap, though, with prices starting at $99,650. Woof.

2014 BMW 328d xDrive Sport Wagon

There's a running joke among auto writers that the perfect car would be a diesel-powered, rear-drive wagon with manual transmission and no power accessories whatsoever. It would only be available in brown and would somehow be as fun to drive as a Mazda MX-5 Miata. Makes total sense, right?
Realistically, no manufacturer is ever going to completely fulfill our wishes, no matter how much we beg, plead, kick and scream about our dream car that most of us would actually never buy. The best we can do is hope for a vehicle that mixes some aspects of this ideal journalist's car. And in today's world, that vehicle just might be the BMW 328d xDrive Sport Wagon.
No, it's not available with a manual gearbox, and power can only be sent through an xDrive all-wheel-drive system. It's also not available in brown (although both Mojave Metallic and Sparkling Bronze Metallic are acceptable stand-ins), but it ticks the two main boxes of being a diesel-powered wagon, one of only a couple such models in the United States.

2014 BMW M235i

We know a number of BMW owners who reside in the Munich brand's core demographic - upper-five- and six-figure professionals who like to keep their automotive brand credentials as highly respected among their peers as their alma maters or the letters after their names. Before heading to Las Vegas to drive the new M235i, we asked four of those owners, "What did you think of the E30 3 Series?" Although phrased differently, every one of them had the same answer: "What's that?"
You can counter that we just happened to query a tiny and ignorant sample size, and it's possible that you're right. Nevertheless, in every case,we were speaking to BMW's core demographic, the increasing legion of buyers who have fostered another year of record growth and are responsible for BMW retaining its global luxury title for nine straight years. Question that, and we'll refer you to BMW's marketing department, its several hundred PowerPoint slides and several thousand pages of research that prove the point.
That second-generation E30 3 Series built a name, a brand and an entire segment by defining BMW-ness as superlative driving dynamics meets luxury - shortened to the phrase, "The Ultimate Driving Machine." Thirty years later, just being a part of BMW-ness and luxury is enough for the majority of buyers. The superlative handling, that's optional, and 150 hairy guys meet every Tuesday to keep the old religion going, light torches, sing dirges to the siren long gone and bang on their keyboards about the apostasies of modern buyers.